so i blew it. i screwed up, and made a major mistake, even though i knew better. i'd come so far, but, yet, i still made a terribly stupid mistake.
i could blame it on all sorts of things - stress from finals, starting a new job, etc. - yet it just wouldn't be fair. i made a series of decisions that, as i've discussed before, have consequences, and those decisions took me down a path that i've traveled before.
they say that experience is the ability to recognize a mistake when you make it again ... that's probably true. so i had to do something that i really really hate: admit that i screwed up. i went to a friend/mentor at church, someone who i really respect and admire, and admitted, in painful, honest detail, that i screwed up and the very nature of my fall. and then i felt better.
i sat and talked to him for a good while, discussing the issues that led to me doing stupid, and how i could not do stupid in the future. he wasn't judgmental or condemning, but compassionate and understanding, and has agreed to work with me and help me to make strides in the right direction and understand some of the things that i had done wrong.
i've got good friends, and a good church, and a great family, and an awesome God. i'm thankful.