When I see people who face real life tragedy full of faith, sure in Christ, I think, "Wow. What must they have been through in their lives to be that way." I think I understand. I don't want to have to have faith. It hurts to learn.
When God allows us to go through trials, it's not so that God can see how much we can handle. The same Bible that says that God allows us to be tried says that God will not test us with more than we are able to handle - and whatever He has allowed to come your way, He already has the resolution worked out.
Do you understand? God knows what you're made of - He knows how much you can handle.
So the purpose of the trial isn't for you to show God what you can handle - it's for God to show YOU what you can handle.
That's not an original thought, but it was new to me.
So while Heidi and I are home, and Lincoln is in the hospital, God is showing us our strength to teach us what to do when we're weak.
I like to do things myself. I like to deal with problems. I don't like avoiding people. I don't like beating around the bush. I don't like when there's an elephant in the room. I don't have patience for that sort of thing. When there's a problem, I like to handle it. If something's broken, I want to fix it.
I can't fix Lincoln. He has to beat the infection himself.
I can't repair Lincoln's lungs - he has to learn to breath on his own.
I can't tweak his internal thermometer - he has to gain weight to be able to keep himself warm.
I can't fix his low calcium or his high bilirubin levels - I have to let his body mature and grow through it.
I'm powerless. I stand by my son's bed, hoping for good news, but I can't do it. He's starting an antibiotic treatment for the next seven days. I can't talk it up. I can't turn the tide through force of personality of power of my will. I can't. I stand by, weak.
Faith, I suppose, is when submission meets powerlessness. I can't do anything, but I know someone who can. I've seen God work in the lives of others - my brother nearly died as a newborn/infant. But he's great now. In the past 3 days, I've heard countless stories from families who have endured similar situations and found God to be faithful, bringing their kids through and seeing them grow up. I've been encouraged by their testimony and moved by their love for Heidi and Lincoln and me. So faith, at this moment, is me saying, "God, I can't. I just can't. I'm too weak. I'm too tired. I simply don't have a way. But I know You can. I know You're able, because I hear testimony of what You've done in the past. Please, God, heal my son. Give him strength. Make him strong. Give Heidi and I peace during this difficult time. Help us to grow in You during this trial. Help us learn to trust You more."
Please, keep us in your prayers. Pray for Lincoln, because we want him to be healthy. Pray for Heidi, because she needs to continue to heal. Pray for all of us, because we need peace.