sitting down to write

i'm not really sure what to say, but i haven't written in a while.

i haven't journaled much lately, either. and by much, i mean not at all.

in the movie "orange county" with jack black and the other guys, the actual main character says that a writer needs controversy, angst, tension, and friction in his life in order to write. to really be effective, you have to be missing things in order to write about it ... you have to want to accomplish something.

i'm sitting here, thinking about most of my blogs, and they fall into three general categories - love, politics, or God. i'm finally in a terrific relationship, so that's not really a topic anymore. i don't have angst or discontentment to inspire countless blogs and whiny rants. politics ... i don't even care right now. probably that love thing. and God ... there it is.

i want more. i watched a promo video today for IBC, and , dang, i wanna be there. i mean, i know i need to finish this secular degree and whatnot so i can geta job when i graduate and not be stuck selling cell phones for the rest of my life, but i wanna be able to focus and spend my time studying about God and the text and talking about the Bible and philosophy and theology.

but why do i want more? i can have more, right? i mean, i never miss an episode of house or the office ... why not get a couple chapters in out of the Bible. and i'm sitting here, wanting that passion i see in the videos ... i want the depth of a relationship with Him that creates a passion for souls and revival and the desire to work in altars for hours with total strangers, not just people i know and with whom i already have a close relationship. so i guess i don't pray enough.

yeah, that's it. that's always it. qiero mas Cristo. mas de Ti.

i always talk about wanting more, but do i actually do it? no. i get a little bit, and then i'm done. ugh.

i'm listening to a great worship album, and its a cool band-aid. but i want more. i've got this unsettled feeling in my gut. i want more.