song in my head

i can't sleep. i have a really really annoying song stuck in my head.

'unwritten' by natasha bedingfield. ugh.

i don't usually listen to music like that, and i wasn't at work today, so the only way it could be in my head is if it were in a commercial that i didn't necessarily acknowledge. i wish i could know what they were advertising so i could boycott their product.

but, since the blasted tune was running through my head, and i'm terrible with lyrics, i looked them up, and considered them. they kinda suck.

i'm willing to give bedingfield the benefit of the doubt - as a pop artist, she probably didn't write the song. i'm sure she's whored herself out to her producer and the songwriters that he has hired. but whoever wrote the song was an absolute idiot.

"each day is a new breath, a fresh start. you can start anew anytime you like." that's a grand idea, but it's not realistic. a lifetime of experiences makes you who you are, complete with biases and prejudices and experiences and lessons learned. you can't dismiss that and the rest of your life because someone wrote a song and hugged herself in a fur coat while singing it. you can't - and you shouldn't - attempt to escape your reality because it isn't convenient.

i can hear a religious perspective now - "you're a new creature in christ!!" this is true. but you still have your entire life behind you. you still have to deal with your past. past mistakes don't go away just because something changed.

i've lived long enough to realize this - every decision has a cost, and you can't undo your decisions. your end is dictated by your beginning. there's not a blank page before me, and while my future is unwritten, it's directed, as well. it's not up to me.

and that stupid song is still stuck in my head.