Person of the Year

I'll be honest - I never expected to actually be Time's Person of the Year this year. There was a lot that happened, and I think Ben Bernanke was a nice choice. But I was a little disappointed that I didn't even get a runner-up nod. I mean, the Chinese Workers were runners-up! Maybe I'm still a little cocky from sharing the award with the other 6.7 billion people inhabiting the planet in 2006, but I think I accomplished a lot this year. (The downside of sharing an award like this is that you can't very well put it on your resume - you don't stand out from the pack when everyone else shares the honor) After all, I accomplished a lot this year. Sure, the Chinese worker helped influence the world, but where would they be if it weren't for the American consumer (me) spending money I didn't have in order to finance their economy? Honor where honor is due, my friends.

And, I stimulated the used-car economy by buying a used Jeep, and now I'm ensuring that those poor, struggling, multi-national oil companies can continue to stay afloat as I keep gas in my SUV.

I contributed to the stability of the airline industry by flying (once), to the textile industry by shopping for clothes, to the fast-food industry by over-eating, and to the third-world coffee farmers by drinking obscene amounts of fair-trade coffee from Starbucks.

I stayed in a hotel (once), bought new shoes (twice), and saved a bank by working on a Saturday when I was scheduled off. I'm a regular economic stimulus program, here.

So, Time editors, next year, remember me when making considerations for your Person of the Year. In 2010, I'm planning on losing weight and getting out of debt. Then I'll buy a house. Helloooooo infamy.